The seasons coming

(Posted Jan 30, 2010) 

 Seems like it’s been such a long time since I sat myself down in front of the old Smith-Corona and knocked out a couple of paragraphs for my own amusement. A couple of personal tragedies, as well as a set of circumstances that kept me from vacationing at Boreal Bay in 2009, conspired to sap my enthusiasm for the printed page. I’m hoping to make two trips to Boreal Bay this year as I attempt to get my mojo back and to find my smile in the meantime.

So, that being said, how are you doing? I hope you had a good 2009 and that the winter has been kind to you. I can tell its winter because all of the fishing shows are back on the air. There’s BASSmasters, The World’s Greatest Fishing Show, Beat Charlie Moore, One More Cast, In-Fisherman, too many others to list, and of course all of the regional shows. Sometimes it pays to get up early on the weekends and make the coffee yourself. That way you can get to the television and monopolize the remote control for the next few hours, or at least until you have to pass that first cup. I like all of the shows, but for different reasons. Let’s talk about three at random:

In-Fisherman

This show is always in my top three because they are Minnesota-based and most of the shows are shot in the North Country where they are usually fishing for muskie, Northern pike, or smallmouth bass. Hosting duties rotate among the senior staff, so they almost always have something new to share. The half hour shows are always informative and full of action and about a half hour too short.

One More Cast, with Shaw Grigsby

No one, and I mean no one, on a fishing show displays as much enthusiasm for catching fish as our friend Shaw. He laughs, he cries, he smiles like a mad man, and every time you watch him you think he’s having the best time ever. On top of that, the boy knows how to fish and shares his techniques while showing off the latest tackle. I just think he ought to keep his cap on to cover up that Poindexter haircut, or toupee, or whatever it is.

Beat Charlie Moore

Charlie Moore is the Yankee version of a “good-old-boy”. He’s loud, he’s boastful, and one might think that he has a wee bit of ego. But I get the feeling that the Charlie you see on TV is the real Charlie Moore. The premise of the show is that people invite him fishing, and he proceeds to outfish them almost every time. I used to think that they were all set-ups, until the morning I was watching him fish in San Diego Bay, and the gentleman he was beating was a high school classmate of mine. Charlie can fish, there is no doubt about that, but I’d like to learn more from his shows than the name of his latest victim.

Let the wind howl, and the snow pile up. I can’t think of a better way to spend a Saturday (or Sunday morning now that football is over) other than sipping coffee and overdosing on fishing shows.

But soon, the snow will melt, the ice will dissolve, and the winds will abate. It will (finally) be time to put into practice all those things you learned from the TV shows. But wait! Before you can do that you need to take a trip to your local bait and tackle shop to buy all the stuff you saw on television. You probably didn’t even realize how outdated your stuff was until you saw the New and Improved Fish-a-Whacker 2010 spinning reel with 17 high-tech ball bearings made from the finest molybdenum/titanium alloys, just like those used in the first Russian weather satellites. So you buy one. Then you’ll realize that your old graphite pole is only 6,000,000 modulus and won’t be able to imagine how it could ever work with your new reel. So you get the new 8,000,000 modulus, left-handed, electric pink, Kastin’ Kane, all the while reminding yourself to find out what the heck a modulus is before next season.

After that, there are all of the new lures you saw the pros use. There are the new soccer-ball headed jigs in every size, the polyurethane dive baits, the nickel-plated spoons, the calcium-enhanced surface lures, the magnetically ionized spinner baits, and of course all of the plastics in this year’s “go-to” color, plaid. Once you get all of the necessities into your shopping cart you make a beeline for the cash register, stopping only to pick up 30,000 yards of new co-polymer rubberized fishing line, a new tube of reel grease, a new GPS, a fish-finder, and a 36-volt trolling motor, just in case this is the year you finally buy a boat. Then, and only then, just about the time the clerk swipes your credit card through the credit card swiper thingie, and hands you back a smoldering little piece of molten plastic, does it dawn on you that maybe, just maybe, those fishing shows are on TV to sell fishing gear. That perhaps they are just glorified infomercials. That you have been suckered into buying more new gear than you need. Then you think "Naw", grab your bags, and head for the nearest pond.

Tom

P.S. I want to tell you about a wonderful wife. The other day I went into the kitchen, and sitting on the counter was the new Bass Pro Shops catalog. I thought that was nice. Then I noticed my wife's credit card on top of the catalog and thought "What a woman!"